Dear Grandpa
I know I haven't seen you in a while
But I do remember you
The times you took me fishing
That old wagon you pulled me around in
All the stories about Nam
I still have your fishing pole
But it doesnt ceatch fish anymore
The wagon is still in the backyard
But only to aquire rust
The stories of Nam still run through my head
But without the emotion
I never told you made you mad life better
But you did
Thank you Grandpa
how could i make it flow better?
should there be more details?
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i am not good at flow but detail maybe you could tell more about what you and you grandpa relationship was like or what does the wagon/fishing pole look like. oh and there is a some spelling error like "ceatch" when it should be "catch" so you might want to check that
ReplyDeletejust a couple grammar changes and more descriptive feeling words at the end but it is really good!
ReplyDeletehave a little more imagery but i really like the imagery of the acquiring rust. try to have more reminiscent adj's and verbs so there is a stronger connection. overall its really strong
ReplyDelete